The origins of this discussion can be traced back to the Women in Defence UK Awards 2025, where Captain Victoria Kinkaid, Women of the Year 2024, delivered a powerful speech about how defence and wider industry must rethink the way we talk about parent hood, potential and career breaks.

‘‘I want to take this opportunity to challenge the outdated view of maternity leave as a career gap. I want us to rethink what it means to support women considering having children, preparing for it, or navigating the reality of being a working parent in defence. Because women are not a nice to have in defence. Women are essential. We strengthen capability, diversify thinking, challenge assumptions, and bring brighter perspectives that make our organisations smarter, safer, and more effective.

But if we expect women to contribute fully, then we must support them fully. That means creating environments for women who never have to downplay their family aspirations to be taken seriously in their roles, where taking maternity leave doesn’t feel like a career risk, where parenting and other unpaid care work, which often falls to women, however, is experienced, is recognised by leadership development opportunity that it is. And it means designing systems that don’t force women to choose between ambition and authenticity. It means recognising the efficiency that’s gain through motherhood, is not compromised, it’s an asset and it means valuing the skills gained outside of the office are just as important as the ones gain within it…’’

That message resonated across the community and sparked calls for a deeper conversation. This Critical Mass Community session was created in direct response, to challenge outdated assumptions, champion lived experience and reframe careers breaks linked to parenthood as a period rich with skill-building, not professional stagnation.

The panel explored this topic across four lenses: the individual experience, the role of the manager, the responsibility of leaders, and the organisational changes required to embed a new narrative.

Panel Contributors

The session featured a diverse panel, offering personal, managerial, and strategic perspectives:

• Captain Victoria Kinkaid: British Army Doctor and Woman of the year 2024.Framed the purpose of the event and guided the discussion.

• BethMarie Norbury: People Director at Marks and Spencer and Woman of the year 2020. Provided insight into the skills, identity shifts, and emotional complexities parents experience during and after leave.

• Phil Craig: Managing Director Programmes at Babcock (Marine) and Champion for Maximising Talent Finalist 2025. Explored the managerial responsibilities and behaviours that enable a strong return to work.

• Commodore (Cdre) Catherine Jordan: Royal Navy. Offered a Defence wide, strategic view on leadership, behaviour change and organisational culture.

The individual Experience: Growth, Identity and Reframing Guilt

While career breaks are often seen as time away from development, the reality is that parenthood demands and rapidly builds a range of high value skills. As Beth-Marie explained, the everyday demands of caring for a child require:

• Fast, creative problem solving
• Advanced prioritisation and multitasking
• Heightened resilience under pressure
• Clear, empathetic communication
• Negotiation and conflict resolution
• Complex planning and organisation

These capabilities rarely appear on formal CVs, yet they directly strengthen professional effectiveness.

Beth-Marie also addressed the universal experience of parental guilt. She shared:

“I’ve sometimes felt like I work like I don’t have children and parent like I don’t have a job and that’s something you need to get straight in your own head.”

Her approach focuses on being present for the moments that matter recognising those moments change as children grow. She encouraged parents to reframe the idea of balance and even suggested creating a ‘parent CV’ to help articulate the skills gained through lived experience.

The Leader's Role: Assumptions, Self-Leadership and Role Modelling

Leadership shapes culture, and Cdre Jordan emphasised that supporting returning parents begins with avoiding assumptions.

“Just because I’m a parent doesn’t mean the person returning has had the same experience.”

Leaders must ask, listen, and understand that individual needs vary and that returning parents may not yet know exactly what support they require.

Catherine highlighted two essential elements of Defence leadership:

• Continuous learning: developing self-awareness, understanding impact, and adapting behaviour.
• Self-care: maintaining physical, emotional, and mental wellbeing.

She stressed that leaders who model healthy boundaries and selfcare create an environment where returning parents feel able to do the same. This sets a tone of trust and enables people to bring their best selves back into the workplace.

Her message was clear: use the guidance available, trust your instincts, and help returning parents trust theirs.

Organisational Culture: Reframing Parenthood as Capability Building

The final part of the conversation explored the cultural shift needed across organisations to change how parenthood and career breaks are viewed.

Cdre Jordan described work underway across Defence a collaborative effort between the Navy, Army, Royal Air Force (RAF) and the Raising Our Standards team to reshape leadership expectations and embed inclusive behaviours.

Key cultural developments include:

• Individual focused leadership development
Moving beyond traditional “leading people” models to approaches that develop the individual. This includes building on Defence Academy programmes and engaging with world leading external organisations.

• Recognising behaviours as part of performance
Future appraisal systems will look not only at responsibilities, but also at behaviours, knowledge, skills, and experience, ensuring leadership behaviours are rewarded, not sidelined.

• Accountability and kindness working together
Cdre Jordan stressed this distinction: cultural change is not about being “nice,” but about being kind, respectful and human while still holding people accountable.

• Data driven improvement
The Raising Our Standards team collects extensive data continuously because “what gets measured gets changed.” Surveys and feedback are used to identify barriers, inform policy, and ensure interventions have impact.

At its core, the work recognises a simple truth:
Organisational performance improves when human performance is understood, supported, and valued.

Key Takeaways

• Parenthood develops high value skills essential to modern organisations. Highlight being a parent and don’t hide it.
• Parental guilt can be reframed through self-awareness and focusing on what matters most.
• Successful returns rely on intentional, human centred managerial support.
• Leaders must model self-awareness, self-care and assumption free engagement.
• Cultural change requires data, accountability and recognition of lived experience.
• Reframing career breaks as capability building strengthens both people and organisations.

Call to Action

Consider one action you can take today as a colleague, manager, or leader to better recognise and support the skills that parenthood brings into your workplace.
A single intentional step can influence culture, strengthen inclusion, and shape a more supportive experience for every returning parent.

Critical Mass- Redefining Career Breaks: The Hidden Skills of Parenthood